Artist: Nickelback – Track: Trying Not To Love You
Artist: Nickelback – Track: Someday
Artist: Shankar Mahadevan – Track: Shiv Tandem Stotram
Artist: Yungen feat Yxng Bane – Track: Bestie
It’s a photo of a tree taken yesterday morning as I had a moment to myself. The idea yesterday morning was to wake up and go for a jog; as I want to shift some weight and tone up. I woke up without any hesitation at 5.30am. Dropped of my dad to work and then went to the park around the corner from my house. As I sat there under this tree listening to the Shiv Tandem Stotram I couldn’t help but have a little chuckle. The last time I sat under this tree was for a very different reason, (no, I was not having any negative or suicidal thoughts), I was sat under this tree having a smoke (tobacco, nothing else) whilst on the phone to a friend. It was a conversation around poop and going to the bathroom at work where people could hear you. The sun shone through the tree and the track changed to ‘Bestie’.
The chuckle faded and I find myself smiling at the thought of my friend and how life had changed. I was no longer sitting under this tree for a smoke discussing poop, I was sitting under this tree with a water bottle in my hand trying to hype myself up to brave the cold. I opened the car door and ended up shutting it even quicker, with me still in the car. There was NO way I was going for that jog it was too cold and I should come back when the weather is warmer. There was a magpie hopping around the snow instead of going on the snow to get food, this confirmed my decision – even the magpie agreed with me.
I sit back in to the car, turn the engine on and listen to Chad Kruger ask “How the hell did we wind up like this?” I drive home the whole time thinking why did I not just start my jog and move away from the car.
The truth is: I wasn’t willing to step outside, I was accustomed to the warmth of the car. We limit ourselves and the changes we wish to make. We start off with good intentions however, the second we need to step outside of our comfort zone we back down or say we’ll do it another time or later and talk ourselves in to thinking it’s the right decision. I talked myself out of this jog and even bought a magpie in to the conversation to justify why I shouldn’t be outside jogging. This is not the person I want to be, it’s not the person anyone wants to be, the feeling of letting myself down took over me. A friend used to tell me do something when you get the good thought and stop saying later – later may never happen. I had let myself down and let the ‘later’ get the better of me as I didn’t want to step outside of my comfort zone. In order to put things right and have a work out to achieve one of my positive changes, I had the thought of going to the gym but I would go LATER. I started talking myself out of it by saying I’d go when there were fewer people at the gym to get a better work out. I started to find excuses to not step outside of my comfort zone. No, before I could talk myself out of it I packed my gym bag and refused to take off my joggers. I text my sister letting her know I was going to the gym after she finished work and this was going to be the plan for the rest of the week.
As I sit here typing this up I’m proud to say I did go to the gym yesterday evening and today evening I will be at the gym again. I stepped outside of one of my comfort zones – I went to the gym when it was busy. Honestly, I enjoyed it, once I got there I had an adrenaline rush and it felt scary however, it was one of the best workouts I’ve ever had and it put me a step closer to achieving a change I want to make. I didn’t go for my jog this morning either. I could list the excuses I gave myself however I think it would take me a while to type all of them. It all winds down to one fact/truth, I am not willing to step outside of this comfort zone I have created. I am adamant at this moment in time that I will step outside of this comfort zone and hopefully many others before the month is over.
If you’ve read up to here thank you. Please do comment your own experiences and views I’d love to hear them.