Artist: The Darkness – Track: I believe in a thing called love
Artist: Ashanti – Track: Happy
Artist: Joan Red – Track: You be the Hero
Artist: Apocalyptica – Track: Not strong enough
Artist: Russ – Track: Cherry Hill
Artist: Stone Sour – Track: Hesitate
Optimistic: “Hopeful and confident about the future.”
Pessimistic: “Tending to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen.”
Which one am I?
I found an online test on www.seemypersonality.com and thought let me try the quiz to see what the results say. According to the test I am 75% optimistic and 25% pessimistic. Great! What does that mean? I used to have a promising approach to life when I was younger. No matter what hurdles or challenges came my way I would see the good. I used to call it experience if it went wrong. It would be a reason to celebrate if something went right.
I read a post the other day –
A Pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity.
An Optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. – (Winston Churchill).
You don’t realise when you’re an optimist or a pessimist. I certainly didn’t. Looking back though, I can see how life events pushed me from being positive to negative.
There’s a time in your life when your carefree everything is a new challenge. Even grey skies in summer can be amazing. You learn from the situation, draw out the positives and help it better you as a person. As you start getting knock backs you realise, some things are out of your control. Self-doubt starts to creep in. That thought. That ‘no matter what you do it’s not good enough’ feeling. The question you end up asking yourself is, “Why does this happen to me?” By this point, even a small cloud in a blue sky indicates a storm’s on its way.
There are many reasons you stop seeing the good and stop learning. Personally, I’d got to a stage where I just couldn’t get past the ‘Why me?’ The knockbacks had me up at night, and I stopped seeing the lesson. Instead, I just got engulfed by the “why?” and “it always happens to me”. The next thing I know I’m seeing each situation with darkened glasses and no solution seems good enough. Instead of appreciating the time I had with people I love. I secretly wanted more and thought, I wouldn’t get it or I don’t deserve it. I ask the question to the universe – “why me?” “What’s wrong with me?” As I quietly ask those questions I ended up sabotaging my happiness and ruining moments and relationships around me. I became scared of being happy and I started to expect something to go wrong everytime something good happened in my life. I started getting used to bad things happening to me. If nothing bad happens then my pre-emptive actions and thinking would make it happen.
How do you get out of this rut?
I once read that you can change from being a pessimist to being an optimist almost instantly. You need to be open-minded. You need to change the way you think. Instead of expecting bad things to happen and waiting for things to go wrong, you need to think the opposite. If a solution is presented in front of you. Instead of finding ways for it to fail, just take the risk and try it. If it fails you’ve learnt something and if it works the situation is resolved. Either way, you’re in a win-win situation. Sounds great, doesn’t it? Until it’s time to put it in to practice.
A few months ago I realised I had turned for the negative. Situations got out of hand and I could see the fall in all solutions. So I decided to make a change. I wasn’t going to walk around like a Looney Tune smiling and speak of nothing but positivity. I had to believe it not just say it. It wasn’t time to be fake positive to show the world I was positive and optimistic. Speaking of positivity to people only shows the world you’re a happy person. Truthfully, the tears I cry in the darkness of my room and the hurt I feel inside, is all me. My words and my feelings were not in sync. To lie to the world that I’m feeling great meant I was lying to myself. It was time to change my mind to truly believe it.
The start of the process.
I started off small. I’d start my day and the first thing I’ve started to do is be grateful that I have woken up. Instead of getting depressed that I no longer have a job and no source of income; I started to concentrate on me. This is a major opportunity for me to find myself and find a job I want to do rather than work a job I’m not happy in. I dreaded opening my e-mails as the interview rejections were painful to read. The first day I decided to change my thought process I went through the rejection e-mails and sent replies back asking for feedback. Instead of thinking I’m unemployable, I’ve started to find areas I need to improve in and also where I want to go in life. The options and paths available to me are endless. At the end of the night, I make my peace. I list a few things I’ve learnt, things I am grateful for and the things which have worked.
The results speak for themselves. I am a lot happier and less glum. I have days where negativity surrounds me however at the end of the night I try my hardest to ensure I don’t go to sleep with that feeling. I’m overcoming fears and my outlook on life is a positive one. It’s not a fake positive where I’m showing the world smiles and speaking of amazing things. I find being fake positive requires more energy then I have. It’s ok to say today is not a good day. By admitting, to myself, that it’s not a good day I am genuinely happier. I have bad days, it’s up to me decide how my day went. I chose to say no longer say ‘Why me?”. Rather, I am grateful for the experience, Learn from it and use it to help me move on. It was not and is not easy to do. Your mind is complicated however it’s up to you how you choose to see your surroundings.
Thank you for reading.
Much Love and God Bless.